What is "Asexuality"?
Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It may be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. Source
Why do we need Asexual Awareness Week?
As someone who is starting to slowly figure out what asexuality is, I can tell you one of my most infuriating reasons why we need this week of awareness. For some reasons, people like to thing the A in the acronym "LGBTAQ+" means Ally. It has - never - and - will never - stand for Ally. It's a legitimate sexual orientation, just like every other sexuality.
Our society is programmed to think that if you're not someone who enjoys sex, someone who doesn't "get off" to porn or someone that feels little to no sexual attraction to genders, you must be broken. The media, Hollywood and other aspects of our lives are so sexualized, it just feel normal to think of everyone wanting to have sex all. the. damn. time.
We need Asexual Awareness Week to bring a spotlight onto a sexuality that is commonly put down, commonly tossed aside as someone who isn't working properly. We need Asexual Awareness Week because people want to think Asexual people have made a choice to not have sex, like celibacy. Asexuality is not the same, just like any other sexual orientation, Asexual people do not have a choice.
My experience with Asexuality
I came out of the closet as bisexual in high school, somewhat because I wasn't exactly sure of who or what I was and a little bit because I was terrified of people's reactions to coming fully out of the closet. I dated girls, but I was never really intimate with them. I had a girlfriend I would make out with, but I had no desire to get naked with her or even get close to having sex with her. After months of research, I started to slowly accept the fact I might not even be into girls, so I came out for the second time as gay.
This seemed to fit more and as my high school career progressed, I started dating boys. It was much more enjoyable for me to make out with boys than girls, and I did have a sexual desire to get naked and possibly have sex with other guys. Aside from the random blowjobs here and there, or the handjobs, I never really felt like anything else was needed. Well, I was wrong apparently. The first time I had anal sex was when I was eighteen, with a boyfriend at the time. I hated it. I thought it was disgusting, I was repulsed. To be honest, all i could think about was how my dick was in someone's rectum, somewhere where they took shits from.
But I thought it was normal for everyone to think the same way but it was the way gay guys had sex, they had anal sex. So for years I continued to have anal sex with boyfriends, being repulsed each and every time. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed giving and receiving blowjobs, handjobs and making out but as soon as the condoms came out for anal sex, I could feel myself starting to want to throw up. Each boyfriend ended up being the same, I just stopped wanting to have anal sex which lead to them ending each relationship. It would start out great, but I could only keep up the facade of wanting anal sex for so long.
When I was in my mid-twenties, I started dating someone who was much more attuned with sexualities than myself. He started asking me questions about our sex life, seeing exactly where I was with sexual experiences. He told me to look up what it meant to be "asexual". I started my research, reading up on what it was, but something seemed off. I wasn't repulsed by sex in general, just the act of anal sex. As I went to bed, I started to think I might honestly just be broken. I wanted to have a relationship with a guy, but I didn't enjoy the "most important" part of a sexual relationship.
Finally, I was having a discussion with a friend who recently came out as asexual. They used a term I would end up looking up later, she told me she was asexual heteromantic. As I would find out, she didn't have a sex drive but wanting the romantic aspect of a relationship with a man. That's when it hit me, I was totally "asexual homoromantic"! It was like a huge weight lifting off my shoulders and my heart, I was so excited
I'm still learning about myself, and I'm twenty-seven years old. Who knows? I might not be asexual, I might just have a low testosterone level. But, this was an eye-opening experience that there are people out there who are asexual and as an asexual person, they deserve the same respect and understanding as any other sexuality.
I'm hoping within the next few years, people start to realize that the more understanding and love we have in the world, a better place it will be. My advice to those who don't understand asexuality, you should talk to an asexual person, as questions. From my experience, I have talked to some amazing people who are open with the discussion, they want to teach you about it, they want you to understand them. Do your research, there are tons of websites that talk about asexuality and the spectrum of sexuality. Do not say something like "Oh, wait till you find the right person. After that, you'll want to have sex all the time!" That's not how it works!
Do you identify as Asexual? What are your experiences with the world with your sexuality? Are you open about it, are you still trying to figure yourself out? I would love to hear about any and all experiences about Asexuality. Comment below!
Until next time,